


The Space Between

by alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Odd, Sappy, Yaoi, by 0083
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 15:59:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13527684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist/pseuds/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist
Summary: by 0083





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).
> 
> This is an 'oddness' alert! you know me, i can't help myself..

Duo stretched, his arms and legs shivering lightly with the muscle tension. It was late again, the stars waning in the sky like warning beacons. Everyday seemed to grow longer and longer until the days began to blur together. But Duo smiled anyway, albeit the smile was tired and edged with exhaustion. His work was worth the tired body, the jellified brain, the lack of a social life. His work saved lives. His work made others glad to be alive.  
  
Still, as his body contracted and loosened at the same time, he wished that he could have time for friends and fun once in a while. And maybe, just maybe, a lover. Someone to share the rewards of his hard work with. Someone who would listen to him grumble about the red tape, rejoice about happy endings, complain about the harsh hours. Someone who appreciated him, loved him.  
  
Someone.  
  
'Ah well,' Duo thought wistfully, 'no good wishing about stuff that won't happen.'  
  
Shaking his head, he rid himself of useless thoughts about having a normal life with friends and a lover. He should know by now that such things were fleeting anyway. If his past had taught him anything, people left and forgot. Even those who had fought and nearly died with you in two wars. Even the one that he had loved so crazily.  
  
A deep loneliness rose up within him before he squashed it down ruthlessly. He had no time to ponder such trivial things. He still had work to do.  
  
Rubbing his eyes until they became red with the abuse, Duo peered at the papers in front of him. They were various adoption papers, all for the kids he housed beneath his meager roof. Tomorrow, last of his two orphaned children were going off with their new families to find happiness. Tomorrow _\--_ or was it today by now? _\--_ he would have made that many more people happier to be alive.  
  
It was better than being Shinigami. It felt good to give others hope by giving them life instead of death. But he was still lonely.  
  
+  
  
Duo waved enthusiastically as the two children drove off with their new families. A girl named Sarah who was four and a boy named Matthew who was eight. When they had first come to his home, they had been dirty, underfed and mistrusting of everyone. Now, they were healthy happy children who had a mother and a father, if not new siblings. Sarah and Matthew. Two more lives he had saved.  
  
Only if he could share his joy with someone, call and say 'I made someone happy today' and chatter endlessly about the rewarding experience. But there was no one to call. He hadn't had anyone to call for a friendly conversation in years. No one e-mailed him, sent him letters, or remembered him on the big days. Duo Maxwell, the ex-pilot of a fearful gundam and now a one man orphanage, was friendless.  
  
'Heero would laugh.'  
  
Duo blinked at the sudden tears at his eyes. Heero. He hadn't thought about him in.. well, in a long time. Where had that thought come from?  
  
'I really am tired.'  
  
The cars were out of his sight now and he turned around to go back inside. They had been his last two kids and the house seemed more empty than ever. Duo hoped that he would get more kids soon so that he could occupy his mind once again.  
  
+  
  
'Happy birthday to me.'  
  
Duo smiled sadly as he blew out his lone candle on his muffin. Today was his twenty fifth birthday. He was getting older, and hopefully wiser. However, the loneliness was gnawing at him more and more. It had been a month since he had seen Sarah and Matthew off to their new homes and he still had no children in his home. Maybe this was a good sign. Perhaps this meant that there were no more orphans on L2, that finally all the children who had lost their families had found their piece of happiness.  
  
If that truly was the case, he should be jumping for joy. But all he felt was an overwhelming sense of loss. What would he do if that was true? His purpose after the war had been the children. Without them, he had nothing.  
  
'I have to stop being depressing. I used to be the smiling happy-go-lucky guy and that was during a war.' Still, he spent his birthday staring at his uneaten muffin with the melted candle on top, recalling past memories and swallowing the painful lumps in his throat.  
  
'I wonder what they are doing now. Quatre, Trowa, Wufei.'  
  
'Heero.'  
  
Duo poked at his muffin and let his eyes glaze over in thought. Maybe it was time to find what he had lost, what they had forgotten. He had no more purpose on L2. It was time to banish his loneliness. Even if it meant rejection.  
  
+  
  
Duo rubbed his fingers together nervously as he stared at the massive door in front of him. His duffel was next to him, resting against his leg forlornly like a lost child. He raised his hand to knock only to drop it back as soon as it neared the door. The questions swam in his head madly, asking him things that he did not want answered.  
  
'Stop it! You fought in two wars! This is no time to be a coward!'  
  
Feeling a bit better after admonishing himself, Duo decisively raised his hand and knocked on the door. There was a hollow sound and then moments later, the door opened to reveal a face he had not seen in a long time.  
  
"Duo!"  
  
Duo felt his lips creep up in a small smile. He had taken the first step and the response had not been all that unpleasant.  
  
"Hey, Quatre. How's it going?"  
  
Quatre opened the door wider, his aquamarine eyes nearly escaping his skull in his shock. His numb fingers combed through his immaculately styled blond hair and fell bonelessly to his side. His jaw was still agape from the surprise and it was a wonder that his legs were still supporting his body weight.  
  
"Uh, Quatre?"  
  
Duo stared at Quatre worriedly. Quatre was still staring at him like a landed fish and making small, guttering noises in the back of his throat. It could not be that much of a shock to see him, was it? Sure, he had not announced his coming, or even had talked to Quatre since the end of the Eve War, but still. Couldn't the reception be a little more.. welcoming?  
  
Finally, Quatre came out of his trance and stumbled forward. He enveloped Duo in an awkward but a welcoming hug, his arms clamping tightly around Duo's form. Duo felt his eyes water, but held them in valiantly. He would not cry, not because it was against his edict, but because he didn't want to ruin Quatre's nice shirt. It would not do to ruin his friend's clothing so soon after being reunited with him.  
  
"Duo.. I missed you."  
  
At Quatre's watery admission, Duo nearly broke. However, by some miracle, he did not. Instead, his voice took over and started babbling.  
  
"I missed you too. Sorry I came so suddenly after all these years without even a word of me coming, but you know me, I'm always so damned impulsive and I wanted to see how you were doing and I found your address and I thought I'd drop by say hi.."  
  
His words faded as Quatre slowly let go and smiled fully. It was a smile between friends. It was a smile he had not seen in a long time.  
  
"Why don't you come in?"  
  
And that was that. With a simple sentence, Quatre had erased years of separation and regret between them. Smiling genuinely for the first time since his birthday, Duo walked into the house with Quatre by his side.  
  
+  
  
Duo's visit which he had meant to be only a couple of days stretched into a week, then into a month. Before he knew it, he had been at Quatre's massive home for three months, just getting to know him again. They spent part of every day together, reminiscing, telling each other about what they had done for the past few years and laughing at random things. Duo felt his loneliness retreating bit by bit, but it was still there. Not as much as before, but he could still feel it pressing against him.  
  
It had not surprised him that Quatre had kept tabs on all of them, even him. He had not contacted anyone because he had been afraid of intruding on their lives. Duo could only shake his head at Quatre's sensitivity and idiocy. All those years of wanting to talk to his friends again and Quatre had wanted the same thing. Duo and Quatre had lost touch not because they did not care, but because they had been afraid of the other's reaction.  
  
Idiocy knew no limits in the human race, it seemed. Even the most brilliant of them all, the gundam pilots, sank into its reaches and fell prey to it. Because of their irrational worry and fear, both Quatre and Duo had sank into loneliness, not daring to hope that the other would want to keep in touch. But Duo had taken the first step. And that step had led to erasing years of misconceived rejection and turned it back into a friendship that both had sorely missed.It had shocked Duo to no end that Quatre had lost touch with Trowa _\--_ he had thought, of all people, Quatre and Trowa would not have let each other go. After all, it had been obvious to everyone that they had been deeply in love and had shared that love in every possible way. But when Quatre had revealed that he had not heard from nor tried to contact Trowa in nearly ten years, Duo had been blown away. Even love like theirs had not been enough to keep them together.It was at the end of the third month that Duo finally asked Quatre about Heero. To this very day, he and Quatre had talked of everything and everyone except for Heero. Quatre had purposely kept quiet about him for he knew how Duo had felt, and still feel, about the taciturn boy. Duo had not brought him up out of simple self-interest. But now, he had to know, only if to put his questions to rest.  
  
The morning sun was bright, lighting the solarium with burning colors, giving the greenery far more life than necessary. Their coffee was steaming from the cups, sending tendrils of steam into the light breeze in the air. Duo sipped cautiously, slowly working up the courage to ask about Heero. Quatre merely waited with infinite patience.  
  
"So, Quatre.." began Duo, a hefty amount of hesitation evident in his trembling voice, "have you kept tabs on Heero much?"  
  
Carefully, Quatre set down his coffee and folded a napkin over his lap. He was not stalling, just looking for the right words to say.  
  
"Last I checked up on him, he was on earth."  
  
Duo smiled briefly. Somehow, he had known Heero would be on earth, even if he was a space boy at heart. What had Quatre said during the end of the first war? That Heero was the heart of space? What better place to nurture that loving and infinite heart than in the warmth of the earth?  
  
"So I guess he never did go back to L1."  
  
Quatre shook his head. After the Eve war, everyone had destroyed their gundams and gone back to their respective colony clusters, everyone but Heero. He had disappeared for a period of six months or so only to reappear on earth. Quatre took a deep breath to tell Duo everything else he knew of Heero, but Duo beat him to it.  
  
"And I guess he's living it up with Relena. Right?"  
  
Duo saw the nod of confirmation and felt somehow relieved and hurt at the same time. Sure, he himself had not made any effort to stay in touch with Heero, but he hadn't gone and shacked up with Hilde either. Not that one had anything to do with the other, but still.. Couldn't Heero have been as lonely as he had been? Couldn't they at least have shared the same pain? At least Quatre understood _\--_ he had been without Trowa, like he had been without Heero. And Quatre had actually had gotten the silent pilot to love him back which was more than he could say about himself.  
  
"Well, it's not like expected him to pine away for me or anything.."  
  
The silence was thick for the rest of breakfast. The cheery solarium no longer seemed so bright with the two brooding ex-pilots.  
  
+  
  
Quatre and Duo stared at each other over the table, neither willing to say a word. The L4 climate control had taken the bright sunny days of the weeks past and had turned it into a dreary rainy day to match the moods of the two. On the table between them was the object of their bad mood. On the surface, it was a fairly innocuous piece of paper with flowing script on it. Its contents, however, was not so innocent.  
  
"So, Quat, do we or don't we?"  
  
The question hung thickly in the tense atmosphere. The letter had been sudden, delivered that morning without so much as a hint as to its emotionally upsetting contents. They had opened it in innocence, curious about it, only to find themselves trembling with unease and dread. And now here they were, having a staring contest, neither sure about their next move.  
  
"Well," Quatre said, "I think we say yes?"  
  
Duo frowned. Quatre had looked entirely too hopeful when he had suggested the answer. He glanced at the letter again, pursing his lips in light grimace as he contemplated it again. Why had Trowa written Quatre so suddenly out of the blue? How had he known that Duo was with him? And what the hell had he meant by inviting them to a freaking wedding? Who was getting married? What did he want from them?  
  
"Can you handle this, Quatre?"  
  
A small smile blossomed on Quatre's face. He knew Duo was worried about him and it made him feel a bit better.  
  
"I can. You know, it's about time that we went and faced the others, don't you think?"  
  
Nodding, Duo stood and brushed off the nonexistent dust off his pants with his nervous hands. "Sure, Quat. About time we faced up to the loneliness."  
  
"And what's better to banish the loneliness than me looking upon the face of my most beloved?" Rolling his eyes, Duo could only agree. After all, even the best of friends could not bridge the gap between the souls of two people. Maybe, a lover could.  
  
+  
  
"Underwear, check. Formal clothing, check. Nice shoes, check. Extra hair ties, check. Nervous nauseated feeling in the pit of my stomach, check."  
  
Duo was nearly ready to board the Winner family personal shuttle to L3. Quatre was already inside, arranging things with the pilots about landing space and other such trivial matters. He realized that Quatre needed to keep constantly busy so that he would not break down before they got to L3, but it still wasn't healthy to occupy every waking moment with trivial details to avoid the reality of things.  
  
When the shuttle took off, Duo glanced over at Quatre, a worried expression firmly in place. He expected to see trepidation, sorrow, anticipation, any and all emotions of the human race on Quatre's face. However, he encountered a glassy, stoic mask that would have done Heero proud.  
  
"Hey, Quat, do you have any idea what wedding Trowa's talking about?"  
  
Duo wanted to smack himself as soon as the question was out. It was a callous question, one that would make Quatre feel worse than he had for the three days since receiving and answering the letter. Yet, Quatre surprised him and once again reminded him about the infinite grace of his heart.  
  
"I don't know, Duo, but if it is his own wedding, I hope he'll be happy. He was the loneliest of us all, I think. He deserves someone who understands him, who can chase away the loneliness."  
  
No jealousy, no bitterness, no hatred. Duo was amazed by and proud of his friend. He knew that had the letter come from Heero, he would have been less than charitable in his response and feelings. But not Quatre. Sometimes, Quatre seemed almost too good to be a mere mortal human. Duo would have thought that Quatre was an angel if his voice had not shook lightly with pain.  
  
"We'll find out soon enough, right? So.. Quat, can you pass the scotch?"  
  
The scotch was passed around more times than neither could count during the flight and by the time the shuttle touched down on L3, there was singing and merry laughter. The pilots of the shuttle could only stare dubiously at their employer and his best friend as they belted out tunes with their warbling off-tune voices, stumbling to the open hatch to get out.  
  
+  
  
"Oi, Quatre, did you get the license plate number of the bus that ran us over yesterday?"  
  
Duo groaned as he tried to lift his too heavy head from the pillow. There was a colony of evil elves pounding on their anvils in his skull. He could vaguely hear Quatre moaning on the other bed _\--_ he probably had the same evil elves in his head. "I think the bus had a plate called 'you drank too much you fucking morons' or something." Duo could only grin feebly at Quatre's grumbling response. If he could curse, the pain must be pretty bad.  
  
"What time is it?"  
  
Quatre shifted head and fixed his bleary eyes on the obnoxiously red glare of the clock next to his bed. As soon as the numbers became clear, his eyes widened and he dragged his protesting body out of bed.  
  
"It's ten in the morning! We have an hour to get ready and get to the chapel!"  
  
Duo moaned into the pillow. This was not a good beginning to their reunion with Trowa at all.  
  
+  
  
The nausea was almost unbearable. Duo could feel it roiling around in his stomach, the acid mix of overindulgence of alcohol mixing with the nervousness. Quatre looked slightly green as well. Neither looked particularly healthy, but they were dressed quite impeccably in their formal tuxedos.  
  
The chapel was impressive with its steeples reminiscent of earth's eighteenth century English churches. There were massive doors carved intricately with Christian symbolism all over it. Duo glanced at it uncomfortably, his earlier memories of churches clamoring to the forefront of his brain.  
  
"I guess this is it."  
  
Duo saw Quatre swallow a nervous lump in his throat. He reached out to his friend and lent a supporting hand. In this situation, Quatre could use a bit of support.  
  
"Shall we go in?"  
  
Duo winced at Quatre's almost too forceful cheeriness. They could drink all they wanted, pretend all they wanted, but in the end, this situation was just bloody awkward.  
  
Before they had made three steps towards the doors, a figure stepped out of the shadows of the building and into their path. He was tall, almost willowy, with a heavy fall of brown hair that swept into his face to his chin. His one visible eye pierced green sparks into them, his taut body radiated tension. The thin lips were stretched in what seemed to be a smile, his hands were fisted by his side.  
  
"Quatre."  
  
Duo did not mind so much that Trowa basically ignored him. Not after seeing Quatre's face light up like the blazing sun. Not after seeing Trowa's face relax into an incredible expression of longing.  
  
He couldn't resent them their moment of pure happiness.  
  
Yet, there was no running into each other's arms nor tears of joy. There was no spontaneous declaration of never ending love, no pledges of eternity by each other's sides. There was just silence, still bodies and a great deal of staring. The emotions flew around in circles, entrapping them. It was a beautiful moment, but it was also stifling. Duo butted in to diffuse the situation.  
  
"So, Trowa, long time! Who's getting married?"  
  
Tact had never been his greatest ally, but Duo could not have formulated his question in a polite form even if he had tried. Besides, it seemed that neither had heard him. Duo was beginning to give up hope on an answer when Trowa replied.  
  
"Cathy is. To Keith. He's great for her."  
  
Duo had no idea who Keith was and he didn't care. The way Quatre's face had transformed when Trowa had announced that it wasn't his wedding was enough. Sure, Quatre had said he would be happy for Trowa if he was getting married, but it must have been a relief.  
  
Silence once again settled around them. Duo noticed that neither Quatre nor Trowa had yet to take a step toward each other. As far as he had figured it, Trowa had invited Quatre here not to witness Cathy's wedding, but to see him again. Cathy's wedding had just been a nice excuse to bring Quatre out here, especially since in the letter Trowa had not identified who was getting married. And Duo had just been in Quatre's company when Trowa had decided to take the first step into reconciliation and so he had probably invited him out of convenience more than anything else. It was a sad thought, that Trowa had only invited him for Quatre's sake, but then again, it wasn't surprising. He couldn't blame the guy.  
  
Duo watched the two stare at each other for another ten minutes before he got tired of the immobility. Sighing rather loudly, Duo shoved Quatre non too gently towards Trowa. He smirked when Quatre practically fell into Trowa's arms and blushed to the roots of his blond hair. He left them in each other's arms, staring at each other with little stars in their eyes. After all, he had come for a wedding.  
  
+  
  
Duo fell into the couch of his and Quatre's hotel room with a thump. The wedding had lasted for three hours and then the reception had gone on all night. There had been dancing, singing, and most of all, an open bar. He dropped his aching head onto his hands and groaned loudly. After all that drinking on the shuttle and the drinking he had just indulged in at the reception, the colony of elves had become more vicious.  
  
Duo looked around the empty room. As he had expected, Quatre and Trowa had gone off on their own, probably to reclaim what they had in the past and talk out their misunderstandings that had kept them apart. It had taken Duo and Quatre nearly a month to work through all their fears, so he figured Trowa and Quatre would take longer. Their connection was deeper, so the separation must have hurt more. It could take them quite some time to straighten out the mess and keep each other from loneliness.  
  
Loneliness. It was back, now that Quatre had gone off to be with Trowa. Duo wasn't bitter or angry, but he felt a little abandoned. Quatre had found Trowa again, or rather, Trowa had found Quatre. They would be able to banish their lonely hearts. But he was still here, in this empty room, alcohol dulling his senses. He was happy for his best friend and his lover. He really was. He just wished that it didn't hurt so much.  
  
The thing that hurt most was not that Quatre and Trowa were together. No, that was what made him happy. What hurt was that he had nothing like that to look forward to, to hope for. Heero would never make the effort to look for him. If he made the effort to go to Heero, he would not be received kindly. Heero would never look at him with the intense longing that Trowa's eyes had held. He and Heero had a friendship back in the war, not a love affair. At best, he could have with Heero what he had with Quatre, a friendship. Duo wondered if that hurt more than not seeing Heero. Maybe.  
  
"Jesus, Maxwell, just stop your stupid brain!"  
  
Only the empty room heard him.  
  
+  
  
Quatre returned the following morning and found Duo passed out in his tux on the couch. He could only smile at the sight _\--_ Duo looked positively hedonistic. Without a noise, he padded over to the couch and shook Duo lightly by his shoulder.  
  
"Wake up Duo. Hello, Duo?"  
  
A pair of sleepy and bloodshot violet eyes opened slowly and stopped at half mast. They looked at Quatre without recognition.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
Quatre's eyes became sad. The aquamarine darkened to a verdant blue with the feeling, aching for his friend.  
  
"No. Just me."  
  
Duo's eyes became lucid and for a split second, Quatre thought he saw an overwhelming loneliness in their depths. Then as suddenly as it had appeared, it retreated, covered up by a smile.  
  
"So, Quatre, where's Trowa?"  
  
The radiance that lit up Quatre's face made Duo warm. It was the look that Quatre got when he was happy _\--_ he had it often enough during the war when he spent time with Trowa. Now it was back and Duo couldn't be happier for his friend.  
  
"He's down stairs, at the lobby. He's waiting for us."  
  
Duo knew he looked confused. Us?  
  
"But aren't you and Trowa.. Well, don't you guys want to be alone?"  
  
Quatre gently pulled Duo to his feet and hugged him tightly. He could only imagine the look of utter surprise on Duo's face.  
  
"Trowa wants to see you again, Duo. He missed you too. And you are my best friend. I would never leave you like that."  
  
Relief washed over Duo as he realized that Quatre would not just leave him behind in the wake of finding Trowa. The loneliness retreated a few paces back, replaced by a feeling of acceptance. He was grateful, ridiculously so, to have him as a friend. How he had lasted all those years without this kind of kinship, he did not know. But he was glad that now that he had reclaimed what was lost, he would not have to let it go again.  
  
Clumsily, Duo untangled himself from Quatre and grinned. The day was looking up.  
  
"So, let's go. Trowa's waiting."  
  
The two friends left the hotel room feeling lighter and more joyful than they had come into it.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by 0083

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

"No way. Really?"  
  
The expression on Duo's face rivaled his voice in disbelief. It had only been a short month since Trowa and Quatre had come to an understanding. A short month since Trowa returned to L4 with him and Quatre with his meager belongings. Only a month since the three of them had started to live together like a family. And of course, as with all things that went well, they hit a slight snag.  
  
"Truly. I can't believe it myself."  
  
Quatre's stunned tone did much to assuage Duo's shocked brain. When Trowa had come back earlier from his job at the Preventers, Duo had been lounging comfortably on the living room couch with a good book while Quatre had been listening to his favorite classical operas. It had been tranquil and then Trowa had shattered the mood with news. Not just any news. News about Wufei.  
  
"I have confirmed it. He really is going to be a father."  
  
Trowa's deadpan voice did not betray the surprise he himself had felt when he had first heard the news through the Preventer's grapevines. They had known that Wufei had married Sally a scant year ago after much badgering and persistence from the former federation doctor. From what Quatre had gathered through his information network, the courtship had been fraught with danger from the beginning. Only someone as stubborn as Wufei would have wrung a proposal out of him and Sally had fit the bill to the tee.  
  
But a father! Duo's mind spun at the possibilities. If it was a boy.. Well, he knew Wufei would drill justice into that poor kid's mind unless Sally interfered. And if it was a girl.. The only thing that came to Duo's mind was Wufei with a large gun standing by his daughter and chasing all boys who went near her out of the solar system.  
  
"I hope to God that it's not a girl."  
  
Duo's thoughts verbalized and Trowa nodded in agreement. Quatre only looked at Duo with a raised eyebrow, asking him silently to continue his train of thought.  
  
"You know, Quat, Tro, Wufei's kind of protective. I mean, if he had a boy, I wouldn't worry about Wufei's sanity as much. If you have a boy, you only have to worry about one dick. With a girl, you have to worry about every dick in the entire fucking universe."  
  
Quatre choked on his tea and Trowa gently patted his back until the coughing fit passed. Once he regained his ability to breathe, all Quatre could do was laugh. What Duo had said was crude and crass, yes, but completely true. Poor Wufei.  
  
"So, should we send him and Sally a gift? Some sort of congratulations?"  
  
Ever thoughtful, Quatre was already considering the appropriate gifts for the couple. Duo and Trowa looked at him rather dubiously, wondering if they had any right to barge into Wufei's life again. They hadn't seen him since the war ended and there had been no contact. Hell, they had heard the news through a gossip chain _\--_ Wufei hadn't even called them to say he was going to be a father. They hadn't been invited to the wedding the year before either.  
  
Whatever the situation, Duo found himself suggesting that they buy him and Sally a nice set of baby clothes. Perhaps they were no longer friends with Wufei, but maybe, with a bit of effort, they could be friends again.  
  
Maybe, Duo could banish a little more of the loneliness that screamed in his heart.  
  
+  
  
Duo pressed his ear against Sally's stomach and listened. He imagined that he could hear the baby's heartbeat _\--_ he refused to believe that it was Sally's. The thrumming of a new life just beneath his ears gave him a thrill, the thrill he used to get when he got a new kid at his orphanage.  
  
Wufei looked on with a scowl, trying to pretend that this whole ordeal was making him angry. Unfortunately, his eyes refused to cooperate and everyone could see that there was a soft light in them. Sally smiled brightly at her husband. He looked happy. Four months ago, when the three ex-pilots had shown up at their house with a large fruit basket and a mountain of presents for the baby, Wufei had been angry. Not because he had not missed them, but because he had tried all those years to forget them, to bury his past. But as it was the way with friendships, the gentle fires had been relit and the four of them became as close as friends could be. Wufei had been happy before they had reentered his life, but now, he positively glowed. Even when he was yelling at Duo to get his filthy paws off his wife and future child.  
  
It was quite interesting, the dynamic among these friends. Quatre and Trowa, the lovers and soulmates, shined like a bright star whenever they were near one another. Those two lived with Duo in Quatre's large manse like a family. And Wufei and Sally had willingly transferred their Preventer's assignment to L4 to be closer to the refound friends. They lived only a short distance away and visited as often as their schedules allowed. The family was growing and soon, a new life would add more meaning to their lives.  
  
And yet, throughout these happy times of reunion and friendships, Duo felt like he was missing something. He knew what it was but refused to acknowledge it. Quatre and Trowa, Wufei and Sally. The gaps in their souls had been filled by each other. And as close to them as he was, Duo could never quite forget that he was the odd man out, the singular one. The irony hit him hard sometimes. The one whose name implied coupledom was the only one who was single. Lonely. Alone.  
  
Every passing day only brought his loneliness to the forefront of his mind. He saw his best friends literally glowing from joy when they were with their soul mates. He wanted that too, to feel cherished like that. He wanted someone to fill the space in between, to banish his loneliness completely. Someone. He might as well substitute that word for Heero. It would have meant the same thing anyway.  
  
+  
  
Duo buried his head deeper into the pillow, but the insistent buzzing of the doorbell still came through loud. It was only six in the morning on a Saturday! And there was some early rising psycho with a sick penchant for repeatedly ringing the doorbell. Whoever it was, he was going to die if he didn't stop.  
  
Duo moaned as the doorbell kept ringing. Neither Quatre nor Trowa would answer since they were at a resort for the weekend to celebrate.. oh, something or other. He forgot what the occasion was, but the important part was that no one would relieve his misery by opening the door. Which meant that he had two options: one, stay in bed and hope the rude visitor went away until a decent hour in the day, or get up, yank open the door and give the guy on the other side hell for waking him up.  
  
Option two was chosen when Duo finally decided that whoever was tormenting him would not go away. Grumbling and cursing, Duo shoved his legs into his pajama pants and stumbled out of bed. He didn't bother with a shirt since his plan was to yell at the guy and trudge back into the comfort of his bed. "I'm coming, goddammit, stop the fucking ringing!" Duo had never claimed to be a morning person. In fact, if he could have it, mornings would be banned from the rest of his life. That and early risers who rang doorbells. And perhaps the deathly stuff the Preventer's offices served to them as coffee. Finally, Duo reached the door. The doorbell was still ringing. His left eye ticking dangerously, Duo practically ripped the door off its hinges as he filled his lungs. It was going to be an impressive tirade.  
  
Unfortunately, words never came. In fact, the breath stuck in his lungs and nearly choked him to death. On the other side of the door stood the last person Duo would have ever expected to see. Blue eyes stared back at him fiercely.  
  
Duo let out the air in his lungs with a loud whoosh. Words were still lost to him, but his jaw worked itself and his throat clamored to release a sound. "Ah.. Ah.. Ah.."  
  
"Hello, Duo. May I come in?"  
  
Duo stared dumbly as the figure moved past him into the house. He had yet to speak, but there was one question burning in his mind.  
  
What the hell was Relena Darlian doing here?  
  
+  
  
Awkward did not cover Duo's predicament. He was in his pajama pants which needed to see the laundry, he had yet to put on a shirt and he was sitting across from the former Queen of the World with bed hair. For her part, Relena was looking quite beautiful and composed in her light blue suit and modest high heels. Her hair was perfect, all the blond strands in a tidy bun. She sat with her ankles crossed like a proper lady, her hands folded on her lap. She was staring at Duo with her powder blue eyes, her head tilted to the side slightly.  
  
"How are you doing, Duo?"  
  
"F.. Fine. You?"  
  
Duo curved his lips into a smile, hoping that it did not look as painful as it felt. He wanted to diffuse the tension in the air, not add to it. To his relief, Relena smiled back at him softly and relaxed into the couch a little more.  
  
"This is a situation I never would have thought can happen. You and I, in the same room, having a conversation."  
  
Relena's cultured voice took on an edge of hesitation and her fingers twisted in her lap nervously. Duo raised his eyebrows in curiosity.  
  
"So, Relena, what do you want from me?"  
  
It was a simple question, perhaps even the logical one, so it surprised Duo when a look of deep sadness entered her eyes.  
  
"What do I want from you. I.. Well, I want you to make me happy."  
  
It was a pure miracle that Duo did not fall out of his seat or faint from the shock. What kind of a request was that? They had hardly known each other during the wars, had barely spoken in fact. They didn't even have what most people would have construed as an acquaintance. But here she was, asking him to make her happy.  
  
"What? Why? How?"  
  
Somehow, her eyes managed turn a shade more sad and tears glimmered in them. Duo, horrified looked around the room frantically for a box of tissues or something. He could not stand to see anyone cry since he got teary when others did. Damn his sensitive side.  
  
"Duo.. You must realize that Heero makes me happy."  
  
Duo stopped his search for tissues and fixed his eyes on Relena. Perhaps she did not know about his feelings for Heero, but hearing her talk about him hurt. Maybe she was not being cruel, but she was still showing him how she had something that he longed for with every waking moment.  
  
"And you must realize that for the last nine years, he has been by my side."  
  
Duo felt numb. Was this a cruel joke of fate? Was Relena here at an ungodly hour to tell him how Heero was so happy without him or something?  
  
"Those years.. I thought I was happy with him. I thought he was happy with me."  
  
Duo could only listen as Relena spoke of her life with Heero. It must have been wondrous, like the life that Quatre and Trowa shared. They must have not had to worry about being lonely at all.  
  
"But it wasn't really true, Duo. We wanted to believe that we were in love with each other, that we were happy. We weren't. Not at all."  
  
What was she saying? She wasn't happy with Heero? They weren't in love?  
  
"So, Duo, please, I'm asking you to make me happy. Make me happy by going to Heero. I would be happy if he was happy, and I believe with all my heart that you can do that."  
  
"What.." Duo cleared his suddenly dry throat and tried again. "What do you mean? Heero and I.. well, we haven't spoken in.. and we were just friends back when.."  
  
"Silly Duo.." Relena said in a lightly admonishing tone, "Heero has always loved you. He and I were only together, I think, because we were afraid of being with someone who could overwhelm us with feelings. All those years, he kept you close in his own way, you know. The way he said your name when he was dreaming.. Or all those newspaper and net articles he collected about you and your work with the L2 orphans.. The expression on his face when he stared at the violet colors of the twilight."  
  
Duo mind spun and raced madly. This was a chance for him. A chance of a life time, to restore his heart and permanently banish the loneliness.  
  
"Relena.. I.. Thank you.. Damn, that sounds trite. I.. I gotta pack. I.."  
  
Relena handed Duo a piece of paper and folded his hand over it. She kissed his knuckles gently and smiled into his eyes.  
  
"Go Duo. Make him happy. Make me happy."  
  
+  
  
The house had a little garden in the front that had every color of flower imaginable. The small pathway from the waist level wire gate to the bright red door was made of worn bricks and trimmed on the side with green grass. The house itself looked inviting with its red shutters and white trimming, wide open bay windows and yellow curtains. It was literally a house made straight from Duo's vision.  
  
Duo checked the piece of paper again. This house was it, the address of where Heero lived. Duo swallowed thickly. This was harder than he had thought. Much harder. His legs were rooted to the ground and his arms refused to move at all. He was petrified _\--_ of Heero, of rejection, of loneliness. After the huge speech about this being his chance that he had chanted like a mantra throughout the shuttle ride to earth, he had thought that he was prepared for this. But no, he wasn't ready at all.  
  
What would he say? After the greetings were done, what could he say? His heart sped up at the musings of his uncertain mind and his muscles contracted almost painfully. He had not even walked to the door and already he was a mess. If he actually saw Heero, there was a strong possibility that he would just combust. So he stood at the wire gate, admiring the beautiful house, frozen solid by trepidation. Ten minutes turned into an hour, then into two. The sun traveled merrily across the sky, ignoring his internal dilemma.  
  
Then at the end of the second hour, the red door creaked open and a gorgeous vision of Heero Yuy stepped out.  
  
"How long are you going to stand there?"  
  
Duo could feel his heart stop completely. There was a strange ringing in his head. Everything seemed to be moving slow motion, as if time itself was afraid of what was to come.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Duo thought he saw a look of irritation and nervousness (was it?) streak across Heero's face at his answer. He had no idea if that was a good sign or not.  
  
"Come in, Duo. I've been waiting for you."  
  
At those words, Duo could finally move his jelly like legs toward the door, to Heero. He had been waiting. For him. He couldn't have asked for a better start.  
  
+  
  
Once he had stepped into the home, it had been surprisingly easy to speak to Heero. They sat down at the breakfast nook with the window facing the garden and spoke for hours on end. They spoke of the last ten years of separation, what they did during that time, how they were living now, how lovely the weather was. Nothing sensitive was breached, but they needed to get comfortable with each other's presence before anything could be solved. Heero, for his part, had surprised Duo by knowing precisely what he had been up to on L2 for the last few years and then of the past year he had spent with Quatre and company. Duo could only stare amazed as Heero practically recited every aspect of his public and personal life with dead accuracy. Duo had an inkling that if he had asked Heero how many people he had slept with in the last ten years, the number would have been dead on, not to mention that he probably knew all their names.  
  
Throughout the long initial conversation, Duo finally figured out that Heero had been watching him all the time, taking note of his actions, his emotional state and well being. All those years of being lonely without acknowledging it, Heero had been there silently, watching, waiting, wanting. And Duo had not even bothered to keep tabs on him. Not after he found out that Heero had gone off to Relena. After that, all he had done for Heero was to bury him into the deep recesses of his mind. A small sprout of guilt wormed its way through Duo's system for being so careless with his best friend, his secret love.  
  
"I miss you."  
  
The blush that crept up Duo's face was a brilliant red color. Whatever little demon that had made him say that was going to die. After he died from mortification, that is.  
  
"I know. I miss you, too."  
  
Duo decided that the little demon could live after all.  
  
"I've been so lonely. Even in the last year, surrounded by my closest friends, I was so lonely." Heero reached out his hand towards Duo's face. Duo noticed how Heero's usually strong iron arms trembled and how it almost hesitated to make contact. Duo met Heero half way, leaning his face into the outstretched palm.  
  
"But now that we're here, together.. I know the loneliness will vanish."  
  
Heero stared into Duo's violet eyes, the eyes he had missed so much. He caressed the skin of his face, reveling in its softness. Breathing softly, he broke the news gently.  
  
"You will be lonely, even with me. It will be the same for me, Duo."  
  
Stunned, Duo pulled away from Heero's hand. He could feel the bitterness of rejection and the widening space of loneliness. Was this the end? Would they be finished before they had even begun?  
  
"Don't be angry, Duo. And please, don't be sad. You must understand, people are lonely creatures. You and I can be together and be happy, but somewhere inside, we're always going to be lonely."  
  
"Heero, that's not how it works!" Duo yelled, Heero's words having cut through the bone. "You're supposed to fill the space between our souls! We're supposed to be one complete being, one half of each other. We're supposed to be together to fill each other. Loneliness, it should be gone!"  
  
Heero looked at Duo's anguished face with saddened eyes. He had not wanted to hurt Duo, but if they were to go forward, if they were to be together, the small fact of life had to be realized.  
  
"Duo, being lonely is part of all of us. Even when we are together, you will have moments of loneliness. I know it hurts and I know you hate it. I hate it too. But it is what makes us who we are. It is the one thing that gives love meaning."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about.. I.. I wanted you for so long.. Loved you.."  
  
"I love you, too, Duo. And I want to spend my life with you. But loneliness, that is something we must always live with. I cannot fill the space between, no more than you can. We are two separate beings. We can't be one like that _\--_ it would be impossible. And even if it were, would you want to? Without the space between, you would lose your identity, your individuality. You would just be a part of someone else. Do you want that? Do you want me to be just a part of you? Don't you want me to be me, the one that loves you, cares for you, misses you?"  
  
Duo slowly nodded. He was trying to understand what Heero was saying and strangely enough, it was making sense. He let Heero continue.  
  
"I just want you to know, no matter what, there will be that loneliness. It won't be as great as now, but it will be there. I just don't want you to leave when you realize that even with me, you're still lonely. I want you to see that I can only offer so much. I can't banish your loneliness, but I can keep it at bay. Being an individual is a lonely thing, Duo. But only as you are now can you love me. And I you. Please understand. Please."  
  
Duo could hardly believe that Heero was begging him. The plea was in his voice, the desperate need for understanding plain in his speech. He had wanted Heero to love him and to fill in the lonely gap in his soul. He had thought it possible. But now, maybe he had been deluding himself. Duo closed his eyes and thought back to his happiest of moments. Spending time with Heero, talking nonsense with Quatre, arguing semantics with Wufei, listening to Sally's baby kick, picking on Trowa, playing around with his kids. Every moment crystallized within his mind and he saw that in every one of those instances, the loneliness had been there. Yes, those moments had chased it to the farthest corner of his heart, but in the end, the loneliness had still been there. It had always been there.  
  
"Heero," Duo finally replied, "I'll always be lonely, right? You and me together, it will only lessen its magnitude, right? No matter what, it will always be there."  
  
"Yes, Duo."  
  
Duo opened his eyes and looked deeply into the cobalt eyes swimming in fading hope.  
  
"But you will always be with me too, won't you."  
  
Tears rose to the surface of Heero's brilliant cobalt eyes, making them sparkle.  
  
"Forever."  
  
"Then I can take the loneliness. As long as you're there."  
  
Heero let out the breath he had been holding. After all the mistakes, the time lost and heartache, he could finally be with Duo. Duo had understood and accepted everything. Heero felt his body move as it fell into Duo's arms. He buried his head into Duo's chest and knew that he was truly happy. The loneliness receded from their hearts to the edges of their soul.  
  
The space between could not be filled, but the two souls could travel side by side until the end of eternity. Duo and Heero intended to do just that. 


End file.
